For those of you who don’t know, the Momo challenge is a recent phenomenon where people send messages to a certain number, using an app called WhatsApp. The person using that number has a creepy profile picture (shown below) and goes by Momo. Momo, reportedly, doesn’t respond to everyone but when they do, they send threatening messages, show grotesque pictures, tell people to kill themselves, and even dox people. I, in my infinite wisdom, thought that doing this Momo challenge and writing about it would make a heartwarming article that’s fun for the whole family.
I went online and found every single phone number that is claimed to be associated with Momo. I messaged them all and got no response from any of them. I figured Momo was just busy as they have been the belle of the ball as of late so I was patient. I waited about a week and then sent another message to each of the numbers; still no response. This pattern continued for about two months until it became clear that I was never going to get a message back from them. I have been rejected by Momo and I am heartbroken.
How could you do this to me, Momo? We were meant to be together. I only have feelings for you but you appear to have feelings for everyone but me. That is assuming you have any feelings at all. Doxing people is one thing but ghosting me is a whole other level of mean. How dare you, Momo? I thought we had something special but no. Instead, you have to go and send your disgusting images to everyone but me. We were going to have so much fun trading disgusting images with each other.
I had so many cute nicknames planned out for you, too. The list included Momo Jojo, Momo Siwa, Mo’s Tavern, Mo Town, Momo’s Bizarre Adventure, Monathen Moestar, Moseph Moestar, Motaro KuMo, Miorno Miovanna, Molyene CuMoh, Moleen MoLEEN MOLEEN MOLEEEEEEN, Mo Money Mo Problems, Momo Taro, Teen Titans Mo, Pokemon Mo, Mo Shave Movember, Motroid: Other Mo, MOhammed Ali, Eenie Meenie Minie Mo, Detroit MOtor City, MOriah Carey, MOlly Ringwald, MOgging MOlly, popping a MOlly, Mo Little Mony, In the midnight hour she cried Mo Mo Mo, Billy Moel, Motrin IB Liquid Gels, and MOre. If you don’t understand all of those references, that’s too bad. I’m not going to explain them. You were supposed to be my MOna Lisa and It would have been aMOrable!
We could have done so many romantic things together. We could have taken long walks on the beach that ended with us slaughtering endangered, aquatic species. We could have had romantic, candlelit dinners where we feasted on the remains of those now extinct aquatic species. We could have gone to prom, together, and pulled a reverse Carrie, where everyone else gets covered in pig blood. We could have gone to a haunted house and shown the employees what a real nightmare looks like. We would have had so much fun.
I can still clearly see what was supposed to be our wedding night. We would have been married under a blood moon. The service would have been performed by Jeff Bezos. Your vows would have been a quote from the Satanic Bible. Mine would be a quote from the Necronomicon. You would have looked so handsome in your suit made of human flesh and I would be the most beautiful girl in the world, covered head to toe in the skulls of my enemies. I would look deep into those big, freaky eyes just before I passionately kiss your enormous, misshapen lips. We would have taken our honeymoon in the most horrible place on earth; Cleveland, Ohio.
Our life, together, would have been idyllic. I envision a blood red picket fence surrounded by a moat filled with acid and multiple signs that say, “Ron Paul 2012,” posted across the premises. I would have been a proud mother to our six demon bird monster babies and and an excellent pet parent to our multiple chupacabras. We could have shared an eternal life where we never grew old together thanks to regularly bathing in the blood of virgins to maintain our youth.
It all would have been so beautiful and perfect but you had to go and ruin it all by ignoring me. I don’t know why you’ve rejected me, Momo, but it really stings. Your rejection hurts more than anything and I don’t think I can handle it. Please message me, Momo. Dox me, Baby. Do whatever you want but please stop ignoring me.
Sakuma, Amanda. “The bogus ‘Momo challenge’ internet hoax, explained.” Vox Media, 03 Mar 2019. https://www.vox.com/2019/3/3/18248783/momo-challenge-hoax-explained. Accessed 12 Mar 2019.